Tuckshop yak ...

from Song Ser Wah songsw@m1.com.sg ...

Secondary One was 39 years ago, so it’s no wonder if our memories have dimmed. When I last wrote about Ashok, Prof Soh added another snippet which escaped me completely. Apparently Ashok not only took Chinese as a second language, he passed it at the “O” Levels. Well that certainly put me to shame, and Bee Lok too, since he claimed his Chinese was as good as mine. Then, Lin How and Yong Chuan via their email, replayed in my mind so vividly, how Master Pates throttled Lim Thian Joo while he was meditating in his Pure Mathematics class. Imagine Master Pates with his plump curled fingers, grasping you just below your head. That one still send shivers down my spine.

So lest we forget, and to keep our memories alive, I shall humbly attempt to paint a collage of some of our misadventures, misgivings and simple fun, as they were 39 odd years ago. Those with larger memory glands please feel free to add more dashes of colour, a bold stroke here and there, just like Prof Soh did. Correct me if I err and forgive me if I stray into the realm of fiction … it’s probably just a sign of incipient dementia.

Surely you guys will want to have the last word as I yak away in our Tuckshop. So please have your say, one way or the other….and keep out Tuckshop noisy like the old days.

Those were the days my friends …….

Hantam Bola
This was most popular in Sec1. By the time school starts at 1pm, we would be soaked in sweat after an hour of chasing a little ball, just for the sheer pleasure of hantaming the nearest victim. Ko Kheng Hwa was the fiercest with a sharp and vicious throw, and used his height to advantage to catch high balls. Soh Seng Teck and Loh Choon Seng will “give chance” before they whack you. To save my butt I always give these chaps a wide berth. If Lim Koon Guan had the ball, I could still beg for mercy before I scooted. He was such a kind soul, even then. Those more “sedikit atas” like Lim Chuan Poh would be playing Volleyball. Chin Leong and Cheok Beng Teck should be in the basketball court then. And those who should have been in RGS would be mugging in the library ..…. you know who you are.

Chinese Roulette
Lao Lee (aka Mr Lee) our Chinese teacher in Sec1 had a strange way of cleaning his nose. Wrap left and right forefinger with handkerchief (tissue paper not invented yet) and stick them into each corresponding nostril hole. Then drill away in circular motion. Stranger yet was his teaching method, I call Chinese Roulette. He would select a passage in the reading book and start with the boy sitting at the beginning of a row of desks, picked at his whim. The first boy would read a sentence, and if done to his satisfaction, the adjacent boy would read on from where the first left off. This would continue to the next boy until someone faltered. I was seated next to Cheong Fook Chuen, (aka Abu Bakar in 2101 Scouts) a dark tough chap with thick lips and small eyes. I managed to scrape through with the help of my handwritten romanised phonetics. When it was Fook Chuen’s turn, he did not, and received a sharp tight slap on the face, from the hand of Lao Lee .. the same hand that just finished the nose digging.

For me, my blurness during Chinese lessons created untold anxiety that descended into sheer torture in the hands of Lao Lee. Strangely though, I cannot say his Gestapo techniques impeded learning because Chong Chung Nee and Yim Kok Weng simply excelled in Chinese and thoroughly enjoyed their Chinese lessons. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

The Case of the Disappearing Spittoon
Another year, I had the wonderful company of Ang Yong Guan and Chua Meng Hian in my Chinese class. It so happened that Lao Huang (aka Mr Ng) was their arch nemesis. Lao Huang had the habit of clearing his throat with a growl and then dispatching his phlegm with a “ptwweee” straight into our waste basket. In those days they were real cane baskets (plastic not invented yet) so you can imagine what it was like for the duty boy, when given the unenviable task of emptying it. One day before Chinese class, these 2 wise guys hid the waste basket. Lao Huang cleared his throat as usual but not finding the basket at the usual spot, walked to the back of the classroom, but neither was it there. Unable to contain himself any longer, the phlegm was jettisoned through the louver window like a missile, with an even louder “PTWEEEE”. Yet another negative demonstration in personal hygiene from our Chinese teachers.

Basic Instinct Ver 0.0
In the movie, Sharon Stone doing her classic leg crossing move, sans knickers, was in fact NOT original at all. Those of us in Sec 3 way back then had already seen and experienced such simulations by a certain Mrs L*** who was the English Literature teacher. Seated on the teacher’s table with legs crossed and then uncrossed again ... and yet again, in order to satiate her unyielding itch at the oddest places, I think it sent many innocent little boys, (including our future Dr Chan, and future Chief of Defence Force) into uncontrolled spasms, while still clutching their Shakespeare. Well it certainly made Literature class much more stimulating than it otherwise was…cerebral or otherwise.

The Soft-Ballers
Our cohort should be truly proud of our soft-ballers. I refer of course to those who played soft ball for RI and not simply those endowed in the literal sense. Ong Chong Hua was a superb pitcher and I would credit him with many RI victories. Of course softball is a team game, so to be fair, I have to mention some of the other illustrious team members I still remember well. There was Tan Seng Chee who could be counted on win the support of the girls, no matter how he played, with his chiseled good looks and randy complexion. Julian Pang was the shortstop or maybe not….. but I keep thinking that he was the shortstop then. I wonder why???

Mention of Julian is incomplete unless David Chia is also mentioned in the same breath. “Julian Pang (3rd tone) and David Chia (4th tone)” spoken by a member of the Hokkien platoon like Prof Soh, would sound like “output & input” (if you get your Hokkien right). Like short & tall or earth & heaven, they epitomize the Ying & the Yang, without which there would be no balance under the sky and harmony in the universe. Cheeem right?

Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong (I think Arasu is ringing the bell). Ooops recess time is over.

Gotta leave THE TUCKSHOP & head for Eng Lit class. Yippee!!